Up and Up

Fear not my friends and family, I am in a much better mood, and place than I was only a recent week ago. There were seemingly insurmountable odds piled up, and I was allowing them to get the best of my emotions, causing me to question my beliefs and ultimately challenge my own personal identity. Yes, things seemed bad, but they could've been worse and I for one should've recognized that sooner.

The things that were, are still, happening in my life are ones that we as humans face on a day to day basis. Sure there were a bunch seemingly all hitting me at the same time, but none the less they are all stuff we have either had to deal with or had reference of others dealing with. The reintroduction to work is always a tough one, especially coming off of a hard hit leave with tons of drinking and no sleeping. Not the kind of leave that should be taken, but I'm a hard charger right? Then to be kind of blindsided by my ex-girlfriend didn't help to alleviate any of the stress or pain.

I got down, as I have before, and followed a cycle that I don't like to. I worked hard over the last week, to really concentrate and focus on all that was good in my life. Amazingly, just like the human mind can so powerfully do, that focus allowed me to delete the negative things that were happening in my life. I believe these things to always be happening. There is always disappointment and things always tend to turn out not exactly how you expect them too. When you focus on them to turn out perfect and they don't, you can't help but be disappointed. In contrast, if you look at how you can improve whatever comes in your direction, you will almost certainly always focus on what can improve, or how you can improve your situation. It's all just a change of the questions that you ask yourself. Changing your question will inherently change the answer.

You have to ask questions that help to empower you to overcome, and not dis empower you and bring you spiraling down. This is tough, because we are trained as a society to ask these questions that limit us, that bring us down, because for one we like the attention that we get when we are down. You hardly ever get asked why you're so happy, unless it's a ridiculous amount of excitement, but you will almost always hear, "why are you so sad?" Pity my friends, is a power drug.

It's making an ultimatum with myself. Finding what I value, who I am, and what I will live for, and not stand for. It's tough, because I feel like my lack of experience in life leaves some of those not quite one hundred percents, but the things that I can recognize as such I must attack, conquer and vanquish forever. Like being upset about things that I cannot control, and taking control of things that I can. I'm in a better place, a better mood, and I'm working on never falling into the self-deflating, self-pity thought that has plagued me in the past.


Dare if you dare...