He sat at the bay window in the living room, staring at the approaching storm threatening on the horizon. It had just gotten dark enough in the day that there was no longer enough natural light to discern anything but the shapes of the different furniture. The colors were gone, all conforming to a soothing, majestic, and chilling clear dark blue.
He stirred from his comfortable seat in the nook of the window and lit a few candles close, then returned to his perch, watching as the sun sank into the sea. The palm trees nearest to him swayed gently and without notice. He brought his legs up into his chest and felt closer to himself. He watched nothing, everything and let it tell it's own story. They distracted him from why he had returned to the house he had grown up in, the house he had grown in.
He lost track of time, but it was completely dark outside now, and the candles in their holder needed replacing. He walked through the empty house. He was sure he was alone, but could've sworn to have heard the ghosts of friends, of family, talking through the pantry door and in the kitchen somewhere. He pulled his shirt over his head and felt a phantom gust of cool air tickle his neck where his collar once was. He stopped, taking a deep breath and with steady determination made his way to the base of the stairs at the end of the dining room. It was very dark towards the top, and the touch of the candles light had little to no reach where he was.
He flicked the light switch up and down repeatedly but to no avail. He gazed up the stairs, his own Everest ahead, knowing the lights wouldn't turn on. Still, he gathered his best composure and lifted his leg forward, resting it on the first step. He knew what must be done, and slowly added pressure and gained the certainty that it existed, that it was there, that his own indignation wasn't playing tricks on him. He pressed down and lifted his back foot to gain the next step. He grabbed the bannister, feeling the well sanded oak that he had put countless hours with his dad to renovated some ten years earlier. He took comfort in the memory and gripped tighter, sliding his hand further toward the top. His feet finding their own way now.
The creak of the stairs, click-it clack-it; the dusty sound of a hand sliding over the once well manicured bannister, wiff-waw wiff-waw; the rapping of the rain, ta-pucket ta-pucket. It all couldn't take his mind off of what he was approaching. His heart beat excruciating loud in his ears, thump-thump thump-thump. The door at the top of the stairs had eclipsed into view despite the darkness. The white door, standing intimidating was luminescent despite the lack of light. It called to him, sending shivers up his spine. He reached the top of the stairs and hesitated. It had been long enough since he had been through it, since he had even been up the stairs he thought. He knew nothing inside would've changed. He paused, remembering the police officer peeling the wool blanket off of his shoulders on the porch as he watched the flashing lights of the ambulance fade into the distance; the last time he had been through the door at his fore-front. He pushed his shoulders forward not willing to waiver for what must be done. The wind outside now audible against the shudders, ka-pack! ka-pack! The thunder rolling over the top of him, rum-rum-row, rum-rum-rum-row.
He reached for the door handle, the cold brass feeling like a thousand degrees in his hand. He turned the handle, feeling it's stiff resistance, feeling his own. The door flew open with the flash from lightning. He gazed upon what he hadn't seen in years. It was recognizable, even familiar and terrifying. He gasped for air that was not there. He back pedaled for ground that was not there. He gathered for his balance that was not there. His head searched for the stairs, for the bannister; it was there. He tumbled backwards down the dust covered stairs, over his own footprints. Thump-et, thump-it, thump. It was all over. His heart went to beat, but the beat was not there.
As I try to make my way to the ordinary world, I will learn to survive...
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