I am about as fed up with this creature as any of the rest of you. He, she... it strikes without warning or prejudice. It prays on you from this wash to the next, and always leaves you missing one thing, a sock. Not a pair of socks, just one. Called the 'Sock Monster' by most people, this name is simply to generic. But I think I have finally put the pieces together. I've figured out what, or who this entity is.
It's gotten to the point, that I actually to a check to see if I have complete sets of socks before I take my laundry bag down to the washing machines to do work. I get to the washer, and do another check as I load the machine. I've found that from the washer to the dryer you have just as much chance of losing the sock, as you do if there are complete pairs that go into the dryer. The 'sock monster' doesn't care if it takes them wet, or dry. It usually seems that the harder I try and prevent losing a sock, the more often it happens. Even on one such occasion, I didn't come up with just one sock missing, but three different colors all had a sock missing. One black sock, one green and one white. Brutal.
Whatever organism steals socks, is obviously highly evolved, and possibly even genetically altered. It's much like a Vampire, or the Lockness Monster, or even Sasquatch. But it sets the bar higher than any of those, because it's never been seen. Combating the unseen foe is very difficult, with no steak or onion, harpoon or sword, shotgun or motor home as a weapon known to be effective against such a voracious villain like the sock monster. My only conclusion is that the sock monster does exist, and it's an enemy closer than you think.
Yourself.
History, research, science, power, and deductive reasoning are none of the factors that factor into my conclusion. It's not because I don't know how to use any of that jargon, but because those have all been used before to try and figure out who, or mainly what, the sock monster is. Scratch the deductive reasoning off that list. We are our own enemies. It might not be our personal choice, and could be some deeper seeded mental block. A subconscious decision that we don't recognize. It could even be some kind of life form inside of us, attached to the central nervous system, or mons pubis perhaps controlling what we do. We throw the sock away. We discard it off to somewhere else. We block out the memory, or simply do not remember doing it. Made to forget by ourselves, or aliens, but it's an absent 3 seconds of our lives. The reasoning? There are too many that I can only touch on few, but perhaps these are the most important.
Socks' elastic, over time, over washing and wearing eventually craps out. Degrades and becomes useless. Socks become less and less comfortable during that period. After a certain time in life your feet stop growing, and if you're like me, you could wear the same set of socks for the rest of your life. This is a defense mechanism, an alien life forms control of you, or a Government-Maytag conspiracy. It's hard to tell at this point, one thing is for certain. You need to replenish that lost sock. With sock styles changing at a pace that can only be measured in nano-seconds you simply discard the mate that no longer completes a pair. You buy new socks, and you forget about the ones lost. You buy new ones, and complete the cycle that they wanted you to. Even if it's yourself!
I start to lean more towards this Maytag government conspiracy, the more I look into it, the more the signs are pointing towards it. I have to be careful, and you are my only life line at this time. Keep this close to the chest, but look at this information I found on the company and it's origins, timeline and the history it has with our military. I found this on a very reliable source, wikipedia... . "During World War II, the company participated in war production by making special components for military equipment. In 1946, production of washing machines was resumed;" I find it weird that it doesn't really specify what equipment they were making. And it later went on to say this... "in 1949, the first automatic washers were produced in a new purpose-built plant. In 1946, Maytag began marketing a separate line of ranges and refrigerators made by other companies under the Maytag name. During the Korean War, the company again produced parts for military equipment, although washing-machine production continued." So in 1949, they made an automatic washing machine. One that could take your socks at any time it wanted to.
The ideas that Maytag is somehow responsible, with help from the military and government of the United States isn't that far fetched. I think it's a good possibility, and should be something we as a people look further into. My socks are missing, and so are yours, and there is someone or something responsible. Time to start digging deeper. As I write this two sharp looking individuals in black suits just walked into the MWR. Strange, they have ear pieces and they're staring right at me. Those are some nice suits for here in the middle of Iraq. I wonder wh
I lift my eyes and say, come on and take me away... BOC, more cowbell
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