Yellow Dust, Nose Bleeds, Sleeping with a Stripper Light On, and the Zombie Apocalypse

Yesterday we were supposed to go out at night on our second mission of the day. It was the standard patrolling we have done since we took over this area of operation in late December of last year. Right before we started to get ready we were told that the mission was on standby due to the storm of 'yellow dust' which approached forcing air assets not to be able to fly. We waited around for two more hours before we finally got spun up for a operation 'meals on wheels' and 'paper delivery boy.' This is where we take food to the JSS for the Scout Platoon to have dinner, and then drive around to the different checkpoints and drop of the freshest editions of Baghdad Now newspapers. Of course this never happened because right as we were about to go out, we had a new mission passed down to us. To drive into the 'green zone' to the army hospital there, and drop off a soldier who injured himself playing basketball.

Now, with one prior mission into the green zone, I knew that this meant it was going to be cake. The one thing that the army hospital there has more than anything else, is females. It's amazing how when all of us have been confined to spending every waking second with each other, and not be in face to face contact with women how much power women end up having over us. As we unloaded the casualty, there were many females around. One of the guys had one ask him how he was doing, and she might as well have been from Mars, because not only did he stumble over every word that came out of his mouth, he then immediately came over to the group of us. He couldn't erase the smile from his face, and was more excited than many small children are when you take them to Disneyland.

We then unfortunately had to leave from the hospital and come back to our base. After we arrived back, I was sitting with my 'trainee' RTO rookie Adam Bowman. Above Adam's bed there is the "Dirty Downtown James The Mole Brown" element. His feet were airing out. I caught a whiff a little too close, and turned to B-Man, and asked if that was Brown's feet. As soon as he told me yes, I felt it. Something small, something warm, something liquid moving down the inside of my nose. I put my hand up just in time to catch the blood that was now flowing freely from my nose. The smell of his feet is so awful that it made my nose start to bleed. It was rumored that his roommate last deployment would wake up from a dead sleep when Brown would take his boots off.
Rumor no more.




A big something has changed in my room. Because of the most feared detective in all the land is in our room, Ryan 'The Nose' Kellogg, we've taken counter measures against the worst terrorists in Iraq. Mosquitoes. In the corner of the room, now sits a mosquito zapper.
It doesn't work.

But it does send off a great amount of light. It looks like the inside of a Thailand whore house in here when the lights turn off. Well what Ryan, the Nose, would think a whore house in Thailand would look like.



Jason and I told him the first night it was in our room, that we would take turns flipping him over as he slept so that he didn't get burned. The purple fluorescent bulbs give off a light that's somewhere in between a tanning bed and black light. It's sad that I'm about to tell you this, but to me, to us, it's funny. Ryan, The Nose, was changing in the corner, and Jason killed the lights, except for the zappers, and I started hitting Ryan, The Nose, with half a second beams from my little flashlight, while creating a techno beat with my mouth. Totally gay, but Jason definitely said 'No Gay' right before we did that.
Voids the gay entirely.

Lastly, this entire week has encompassed our truck convincing our company commander, while he rides along and in passing, that the Zombie Apocalypse is coming. We even convinced him that Steve Jobs and cyberdine have a lot to do with it. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Got to love good ol' Delta Six. XTREME!!!!!!

I also finished Palahniuk's Snuff. Not my favorite novel of his, but it was pretty entertaining none the less.

Four Six Romeo (Actual) signing out.