I have to look at my watch. It's February 13th, friday. It seems everyday is a Friday the 13th around here. Actually it doesn't seem like there are any separation in the days. From the first day I got here to now just feels like one long day. There's no weekend to look forward too. No fast food joint tuesday special to spoil my appetite on. Mail comes every three days, which is about the only thing to look forward to.
The hardest thing is the lack of convenience. It's even harder to convey to those who's lives have been involved with my own, and now have abruptly changed. It's 937 am. That means it's 137 am east coast, and 1037pm west coast time. To call anyone at home generally means, that I sacrifice sleep, or food.
Our missions run for 10-12 hours a day. Which to anyone just seems like a long day at work. But to us it means that we have to prep for the mission starting two hours prior to the start of our mission, and have an hour stand down and recovery of equipment an hour after. That leaves between 6-8 hours for us to eat, sleep, and have personal time. We haven't had a lot of time off, and we've missed more meals than I even want to think about. The entire time our days melt into one, time flies back home. People continue with their daily grind. They get on the internet and phone and talk to family, friends, loved ones. They grab a bite at the 24 hour Mickey D's on the corner. Life goes on. Anything in their life only changes gradually, and therefore goes unnoticed.
They only fret or worry about getting gas, groceries, work, or if there show is getting recorded on their Tivo. Those too me only seem like luxury thoughts now. Worrying about IED's, snipers, car bombs, sleep, and food, can't me dismayed to anyone who hasn't had to worry about them before, but it's what I worry about, on top of you. I wouldn't even wish I could make you, or even if I did, you wouldn't understand, it's impossible. I understand it's impossible. Tensions, frustrations, and stress are always running high here, to the point where you hope someone has the balls to come around the corner with an RPG or AK, just so that you have someone to take out those frustrations on. It's a weird mentality to have, for me to even self comprehend. Why would I want someone to try and hurt or kill me or a buddy? It boggles my mind when I think about it, but in the end I feel it's, sadly, a natural emotion to have. It's my job is a poor excuse for reasoning, but the only I have.
War's not romantic as it once was. In World War II you had a beautiful image of the Allies fighting the evil Axis powers. The boys got letters from their girlfriends and wives who waited 4 or 5 years to see them. You never heard of dear john letters then. Now it's every other day you see one come in. Everyone in my platoon has an experience with a woman who left them, either during basic, or while at JRTC, or in Korea. You listen to there stories, our generation wasn't built for absence. We weren't considered a generation that would do anything. The Xbox generation they thought. No one would join the Army and protect their country. But here we are, all volunteers. Triple volunteers, in joining the Army, joining the Airborne, and joining when war was inevitable in our career path. Our greatest generation is surviving on social security, with wives of 60 years of marriage. And while we fight a war that's not backed by our nation, and under constant scrutiny from the world and every major news network, talking on the internet, or phone every other day to loved ones isn't enough for some. My generation want things to be instantaneous.
I've come to the realization that as American youth, we have been far too spoiled. We expect everything for nothing, and don't want to put in hard work, dedication or any personal sacrifice to make what we want possible. Despite how hard things have been here, I only wish they were harder. I wish I couldn't be posting this online. Or calling you on the phone everyday. It would be hard sure, but maybe it would help me realize to an even greater extent that I can't take life for granted. That I can't waste my life sitting in front of a TV because it takes me out of reality. I want the feelings of hurt, loneliness and being without. At least then I will have a better appreciation of the good things in life, the feelings of love and comfort won't fall short in their value as they do now. If it's an easy road and I learn nothing about myself or life, why take it? This one year is worth the missing. Worth being without loved ones. Worth working at. Even if everything is different when I get home, then I guess that's just another hurdle that I will have to put my legs over. One at a time.
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