I sit here at work and watch the time slowly and methodically tick further and further into the evening. The life of a paratrooper has never been an easy one I try to seldom complain about it. But it is one that less than a percent of less than a percent of people in the United States do. Tonight has gone later for me than this early afternoon release from duty was supposed to, and for the hundreth time-it's not my first rodeo. Unfortunately this one lasts a lot longer than 8 seconds.
I sit here mostly by choice, because an ass chewing now is better than an ass chewing later. We have a four day weekend ahead of us, and to the civilian world that would be rare. For us it's about a once a month occurance and one of the few perks that military life has. My since of dumbfounded responsibility is something that you rarely find nowadays in the youth. I have found it and tonight am exercising it almost all too well. Accountability is a pain in a place with so many things constantly going on and today will be another hard lessoned learned in my development. I didn't lose the item if that's what you're thinking, but because of my position (rather than my rank) I am intermediately responsible for the lost item. Accountability is one of the hardest things in the military. Not because it's hard to count or keep track, but simply because you can delegate authority-but not responsibility.
I'm just the middle rung in the ladder and am somewhat thankful to neither be on the top or bottom of it as they seem to get the most attention. However, today I'm the bearer of bad news. And so I wait. And wait. And wait. The story of my life on a lot of days from 3pm till 7pm. It's not the most efficient thing in the world, but eventually you just get used to it. Wet monkey theory at it's best.
and sidebar...
The Army full of bad leaders who are allowed to be in positions that they would be fired in in nano seconds, yet these are the same individuals who decide whether or not I live in the heat of battle, when they can't even realize in the 'heat' of garrison life what there role is. The biggest and most feared thing in the Army is blind ambition and lack of self-awareness. A leader has to be able to take a step back and look at how is actions affect others and how they are taken by others. You cannot be a perfect leader, it takes an umbrella of leadership to keep the proverbial shit from raining down. It's this understanding that makes you a good leader, and the understanding of how to take what you have and build a shelter with that leadership that makes you a great one. The system is flawed. It doesn't matter what pre-requisites you have coming into a role like the one we have, you have to throw them all aside and work on your experiences, merit and open-mindedness. In-fact it might be more dangerous to have distinguishment as that only shows selfishness which is not an aspect that you can possess as a leader. We tend to forget that with that power comes the responsibility, not to do great, but for your men to do great.
tangent not complete, but I'll save some for later.
My book, that I will have to start re-writing (since my computer was stolen), will ruin the political careers of individuals within the Army who are here for exactly that. I don't care to wear badges or ribbons, or awards. I have enough pride knowing that I myself accomplished the feats worthy of being bestowed those honors. But some people want to flaunt, to show, to speak out and peacock what they have done, what they will do. I'm a firm believer in something I learned long ago from a great mentor, GD- "Don't Tell Me, Show Me." A motto I live to this day.
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