Sew What?

Most of us don't imagine where we'll be in 30 years. It's kind of a scary thing to imagine life that far ahead when most of us can't even think about what we want for dinner later this evening. With life being such a roller coaster of emotions, positives, negatives and ever changing conditions; it's nearly impossible to paint an image of the future that would resemble any of the brush strokes of today.

I sit and ponder here and there for hours during the last few weeks as the reality of my situation has finally grabbed hold of me and won't let go. I'm drowning in my own destiny and I can't find the rope to pull myself out. They all seem to be slipping through my hands. I try and imagine what or where I will be in 30 years, and the five years before that and before that till I'm only five years away. How much will change not only in our time and space during that short amount of time, but how much will I change. Five years ago I barely resemble the piece of work that I was. I've grown and learned and developed more than I thought I ever could have- which has only made me realize how much potential I truly have.

Putting the ideas on the table is one of the easiest things for me. Following my gut on which one feels best is not. I lay out the seeds of my life and try and decide which one to give sunlight. Most of them are very ambitious plants to be growing and even possessing these rare seeds probably says something about the way I'll be able to sew. I look at a life that would be normal and as great as it would be to do what every else seems to do, I feel uninspired by it. If extraordinary is the sunshine of my life, then challenge would have to be the water in which I feed on. Those two things figured out it's off to the last and final thing: my base, my soil, what will support me through torrential challenge and the heat of extraordinary. That's probably why there's so much indecision in my decision. Do I stay in my current soil, it's dense with love and my roots are comfortable, or do I search for a different soil, not necessarily more rich, but filled with different nutrients.

Leaving the current friends I have made over the last few years its a tough decision that I shouldn't have to make, but one I'm confronted with. It unfortunately depends on the direction, the seeds I choose to sew, the place I need to go. I count the seeds, and the beginnings are endless. I look to plants who give themselves as they appeal to me. The selfless service I find intoxicating. The exception I find rewarding. I pause my life as easy as TV and look at the other plants growing around all of us, most of them weeds. They strangle the beautiful flowers. The ivy kills it's way to the top of shading trees, until there are fewer and fewer left. It's time someone puts and end to that reign, time to give shade and inspire flowers.

30 years, who knows what or where we'll be. I've got a lot of growing to do, but I will be a tree, large and magnificent with beautiful blossoming flowers. Which soil will I be in? The richest in the world, American soil.


Bleed for me, I bleed for you...