I realize more and more that one thing in life is a truth we believe to be a lie; we were not all meant to be great. There are role players in our world, a game of sorts, but with a real outcome. We've been lying to our kids recently, that they are inherently great. They were born winners, that we ourselves are winners. We don't keep score and hand out trophies to our kids who come in even last place. We 'Occupy' streets in the resentment, the shame that we haven't done as well.
Hard work is a semantic argument that I'm not sure how to make. Success is in the same degree, and it all comes back to perspective. Do what you love is a cliche worth repeating, and how wonderful it is to find that. Not everybody does, not everybody can. We all have our roles to play, but in some cases we can make our reality what we want. You must work hard to do this, and where perhaps my opening statement and the one I'm conveying may seem contradictory; they aren't. Not if you are one who understands the difference between being fed the silver spoon, and working hard enough to earn that spoon.
A common quote that I always here is, "I want to work hard enough, be successful enough, that my kids will never have to work." That's a sad philosophy pitched in the cast of a positive one. Where the idea isn't flawed until the end, you have to realize how hard work, how sacrifice, how the payday of accomplishment can give you more growth then you could ever imagine.
Wear your heart on your sleeves. Realize at least that others might. Being to quick to judge or be opinionated on someone else's lifestyle may cause more enemies than friends. What's the point of a heart if it's not on your sleeves? Be real, dare to be. Real people, people who are comfortable being themselves. You have to dare yourself daily to be something, to be somebody, to be immortalized in your accomplishments for others. Be selfless and service your community. Don't allow yourself to live in a place that isn't best for your kids and your kid's kids.
You can accomplish whatever you set yourself out to do. Understand two things: One, that you have to work hard for whatever you wish to accomplish. Secondly, that you must put yourself in the right capacities to enact who you want to be. Sacrifice in the here and the now, and set yourself up for success in the future. Caution to the wind should only be in the live life now in moderation as well, for today could be your last. The only definite in life is that nothing but death is a definite.
Be honest. Be honest with yourself about yourself. Introspective and a good self awareness are key to becoming a better person and a leader of men. Take insults with a grain of salt, but do not ignore them, and the same with compliments. Be humble, but hungry and confident as well. Work hard to pass up others that you are better than, but do not be the warrior who stands over his defeated; if you push others to be better, make those around you better, you will reap the benefits, you will become better. Be honest to others. Your word isn't a fallacy like our society believes it to be. Say what you mean, and do what you say. This takes self discipline, thoughtfulness, effort and sacrifice.
Do not be afraid of death. Live your life to the fullest without the fear of perishing and you realize a different kind of life that can be lived. Fear nothing. When you come face to face with death, do not wish that you had lived life any other way. Ensure that you have lived life, effected others in ways that you do not regret. Live life exactly as you saw fit to live it.
...I was keeping the faith...
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
I'm Somebody That I Used To Know
The power is more addicting than I could've imagined. I didn't think it would be, and the resistance of it is even harder than I'd like to admit, but so far I'm managing. I seem to have more discipline in empowering and letting what be shall be then the discipline in other parts of my life. It was nice to get off of work before the sun went down today, and I was only a little perturbed in the fact that I didn't have the normal sunglasses in my car like I would on a weekend. The fact of the matter is that I hadn't been out of work when I needed them in so long, I didn't think I needed them.
I can see how easily one could lose sight of the purpose of being where they are. Rapidly and without warning, you're hit with self image and protection of your new found power. The one's underneath of you become a stepping stone to push you further up or at least keep your head above water. You can't allow yourself to think this way, and yet it seems only natural at times to do so. I resist. Hard. None the less, I have already made decisions that wouldn't be comprehensible to a recently past self. My empathy, my sympathy fades and I see myself stepping into the hard shells of predecessors.
It's a battle, and one that perspective has changed in me; allowing one side to grow stronger than it had been previously. I try to verbalize it, but none of it makes any sense to me when I hear it out loud. It might be only something that can be conveyed through the experience that eventually leads to institutionalization. I fear that, and on this current path could reach that. Think 'make sense,' outside the box is a foreign concept. It's not necessarily one that can always be achieved though. The values, the ethics of every individual are so vastly different in the youth of America, and I'm so amazed at how many problems and 18 year old kid can have, one's that I can only imagine their parents were dealing with before.
My world is one that is like none other. It's a young man's game in it's need of arrogance and immortality, yet the responsibilities that these young crusaders undertake is comprensible to the stress levels of some of the top CEO's in our nation. The physical and mental aptitude can sometimes only be conquered with a push for greater and harder achieved things. And alcohol.
I watch the bubbles run from my lip and wonder how I've been able to now compartmentalize my days so well. I don't have a dog or a wife; no real hobbies during the week. I like to be off of work, but similarly miss it when I'm gone. Thinking of the war I left, I hated and loved; I miss it. Headphones coarsing with music while I drink beer or scotch has been a great way to escape my loneliness. I enjoy it at times, and despise it at others. People are unpredictable, and shallow. I hardly relate anymore, and hate myself because of it. I'm reaching what most men do at sixty, or perhaps never come to realize. Life is balance, life is short, life is cliche. We are what we make of things, and those things are what make us. We can choose to set our boundaries and hold firm, never to cross them and hope that they never cross us. We prepare for the future and live in the past. There here and now was then, and you just missed it.
Stepping back from the cliff of reality I get a good view of how close to the edge of understanding I am. I shrink, my lungs gasp for air, and my stomach curls. The likelihood that I'll learn more in the coming years is futile. The age old question enters the mind, and I wouldn't have a clue how to answer it, or know someone who could. It's these things you dismiss if you ever want to feel like the center of the universe, and sometimes that exactly where we want to be. I ignore it this time; there's not enough scotch left in the bottle to unlock the door to that answer in my mind.
I'm lost and found. I'm inside and outside. I'm open and closed. I am who I think I'm not, I am. That's what I say, but most people just say 'confused.'
... so lonely in my own company...
I can see how easily one could lose sight of the purpose of being where they are. Rapidly and without warning, you're hit with self image and protection of your new found power. The one's underneath of you become a stepping stone to push you further up or at least keep your head above water. You can't allow yourself to think this way, and yet it seems only natural at times to do so. I resist. Hard. None the less, I have already made decisions that wouldn't be comprehensible to a recently past self. My empathy, my sympathy fades and I see myself stepping into the hard shells of predecessors.
It's a battle, and one that perspective has changed in me; allowing one side to grow stronger than it had been previously. I try to verbalize it, but none of it makes any sense to me when I hear it out loud. It might be only something that can be conveyed through the experience that eventually leads to institutionalization. I fear that, and on this current path could reach that. Think 'make sense,' outside the box is a foreign concept. It's not necessarily one that can always be achieved though. The values, the ethics of every individual are so vastly different in the youth of America, and I'm so amazed at how many problems and 18 year old kid can have, one's that I can only imagine their parents were dealing with before.
My world is one that is like none other. It's a young man's game in it's need of arrogance and immortality, yet the responsibilities that these young crusaders undertake is comprensible to the stress levels of some of the top CEO's in our nation. The physical and mental aptitude can sometimes only be conquered with a push for greater and harder achieved things. And alcohol.
I watch the bubbles run from my lip and wonder how I've been able to now compartmentalize my days so well. I don't have a dog or a wife; no real hobbies during the week. I like to be off of work, but similarly miss it when I'm gone. Thinking of the war I left, I hated and loved; I miss it. Headphones coarsing with music while I drink beer or scotch has been a great way to escape my loneliness. I enjoy it at times, and despise it at others. People are unpredictable, and shallow. I hardly relate anymore, and hate myself because of it. I'm reaching what most men do at sixty, or perhaps never come to realize. Life is balance, life is short, life is cliche. We are what we make of things, and those things are what make us. We can choose to set our boundaries and hold firm, never to cross them and hope that they never cross us. We prepare for the future and live in the past. There here and now was then, and you just missed it.
Stepping back from the cliff of reality I get a good view of how close to the edge of understanding I am. I shrink, my lungs gasp for air, and my stomach curls. The likelihood that I'll learn more in the coming years is futile. The age old question enters the mind, and I wouldn't have a clue how to answer it, or know someone who could. It's these things you dismiss if you ever want to feel like the center of the universe, and sometimes that exactly where we want to be. I ignore it this time; there's not enough scotch left in the bottle to unlock the door to that answer in my mind.
I'm lost and found. I'm inside and outside. I'm open and closed. I am who I think I'm not, I am. That's what I say, but most people just say 'confused.'
... so lonely in my own company...
Monday, February 6, 2012
Truth in this Life
I didn't feel like myself today. That doesn't seem like a very fair statement lately, as I am not to sure who myself is. I was feeling more glum than my chipper self and couldn't seem to place my finger on a reason why. A lot has been on my mind, but nothing more than the normal plate full. This weekend I was made to feel like Richard Cory, and for reasons that don't seem all that obvious or foreboding.
I scratch my head and try and force myself out of the strange funk I've fallen into. Nothing seems to work and all day I can't wait to get home and do some laundry. I try to stay busy and not think about what's going on in my life, but dismissing my problems has been one of my problems; so I just don't think about it. I start to realize who I want to be, and am constantly disappointed with myself when I fail to muster the courage of self discipline. Life is short, but being happy now isn't always the best happy you could have in the future. The balance in it's perspective is one that my young stomach can't contain and like a ship on rough waters I find myself heaving the intricacies of life as I yet to understand it over the bow.
I choke at my youth as well as at the tip of the spear of responsibility that is thrust upon me in my current job. It's not a job that should be given to a man only a quarter of a century old. It's making me grow up fast. It's not that difficult of a job, but certainly one where more life experience and understanding of the way things go would add such intangibles into making everyday that much more successful. Is it fair? No. Should I bitch and moan? Sure, but to what avail? None. Sometimes you just have to do things that you are not qualified for, and you fake it until you make it.
Responsibility is, simply put, terrifying. The definition you find in a dictionary is one that could make you quiver. There has been a steady decline in the world, or perhaps a balance of responsibility that hasn't risen with the world's population. I'm sure there is a scientific word for that, but research yields no results.
The state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.
Who wants to do that? The courage necessary to charge that duty is one that is seemingly dying. Especially in our youth. I promised myself no sidebars, but when you're not sure what you're writing about, everything seems to be one. I try and maintain self aware in my endeavors, but sometimes I become unaware of my own plight. As I've learned through leadership, you have to constantly be self critical in order to grow and develop. I strive daily to achieve heights and feats that I hadn't previously accomplished. It's through this constant seeking of improvement that I can't help but find one common theme in all of it. We can achieve whatever we put our minds to. We are truly limitless. It's not easy, and the worst friction point we face is not one of outside influence, but from within. Our own self discipline is a brutal divider of ourselves. Subsequently, it can also be a multiplier of our strengths. That takes mastery of ourselves. Not the easiest things to come by.
How do we increase the rate at which we learn about ourselves? Then, how do we discipline ourselves correctly to line us up for the capacity in which we want to be. We are who we are, but we could be who we want to be. It's a dangerous slope to climb up. Self-improvement, the unlocking of the unimaginable becoming something to be imagined. The unforeseen, now seen and conquerable. You start to push your boundaries further and further, wanting more and more. Greed is a dangerous card to be dealt, but is usually in the hand of success. It's one you have to learn to fold, or you will never be happy. Life is a balance. We have to recognize that the scales of victory through our sacrifice have to balance with the scales of happiness through our contentment. The toughest part about finding that balance, is that the teeter totters fulcrum is merely our perception of the reality of our perspective. That perspective we can change as we see fit to our needs. That allows us to cut corners and ultimately make excuses, make us complacent. Leave us no longer yearning for more, but sometimes, regrettably yearning for less.
The cake has grown mold, but the memories are sweet...
I scratch my head and try and force myself out of the strange funk I've fallen into. Nothing seems to work and all day I can't wait to get home and do some laundry. I try to stay busy and not think about what's going on in my life, but dismissing my problems has been one of my problems; so I just don't think about it. I start to realize who I want to be, and am constantly disappointed with myself when I fail to muster the courage of self discipline. Life is short, but being happy now isn't always the best happy you could have in the future. The balance in it's perspective is one that my young stomach can't contain and like a ship on rough waters I find myself heaving the intricacies of life as I yet to understand it over the bow.
I choke at my youth as well as at the tip of the spear of responsibility that is thrust upon me in my current job. It's not a job that should be given to a man only a quarter of a century old. It's making me grow up fast. It's not that difficult of a job, but certainly one where more life experience and understanding of the way things go would add such intangibles into making everyday that much more successful. Is it fair? No. Should I bitch and moan? Sure, but to what avail? None. Sometimes you just have to do things that you are not qualified for, and you fake it until you make it.
Responsibility is, simply put, terrifying. The definition you find in a dictionary is one that could make you quiver. There has been a steady decline in the world, or perhaps a balance of responsibility that hasn't risen with the world's population. I'm sure there is a scientific word for that, but research yields no results.
The state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something.
Who wants to do that? The courage necessary to charge that duty is one that is seemingly dying. Especially in our youth. I promised myself no sidebars, but when you're not sure what you're writing about, everything seems to be one. I try and maintain self aware in my endeavors, but sometimes I become unaware of my own plight. As I've learned through leadership, you have to constantly be self critical in order to grow and develop. I strive daily to achieve heights and feats that I hadn't previously accomplished. It's through this constant seeking of improvement that I can't help but find one common theme in all of it. We can achieve whatever we put our minds to. We are truly limitless. It's not easy, and the worst friction point we face is not one of outside influence, but from within. Our own self discipline is a brutal divider of ourselves. Subsequently, it can also be a multiplier of our strengths. That takes mastery of ourselves. Not the easiest things to come by.
How do we increase the rate at which we learn about ourselves? Then, how do we discipline ourselves correctly to line us up for the capacity in which we want to be. We are who we are, but we could be who we want to be. It's a dangerous slope to climb up. Self-improvement, the unlocking of the unimaginable becoming something to be imagined. The unforeseen, now seen and conquerable. You start to push your boundaries further and further, wanting more and more. Greed is a dangerous card to be dealt, but is usually in the hand of success. It's one you have to learn to fold, or you will never be happy. Life is a balance. We have to recognize that the scales of victory through our sacrifice have to balance with the scales of happiness through our contentment. The toughest part about finding that balance, is that the teeter totters fulcrum is merely our perception of the reality of our perspective. That perspective we can change as we see fit to our needs. That allows us to cut corners and ultimately make excuses, make us complacent. Leave us no longer yearning for more, but sometimes, regrettably yearning for less.
The cake has grown mold, but the memories are sweet...
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