Sunrise Tomorrow, No Sunset Tonight

I'm at both a fabulous and terrifying place in my life. I sit on the dock of the bay of living, awaiting the sunrise of life to form on the horizon. It's dark, and cold, but my nerves sit, shaking. Well, maybe not yet. But the idea is certainly one of some consideration. I'm just over 24 years of age now, and practically have my whole life to look forward to. Not only that, but the experiences that I've already had in my life probably have had a bigger significance in giving me some kind of perspective into life as whole than probably many other 24 year olds.

I sit on the perennial doorstep, and I think to myself, I'm glad that I spelled perennial correctly the first try. I have college not only paid for, but will be paid to go to college. I sit here and can look down at myself, and not only feel comfortable with the image that I present, but also proud of what I've accomplished. I'm not in great shape, or the best shape that I've ever been in, but I am in very good shape, or at least appear to be ;)  I have contacts and networking outside of the military that I will always be able to find a back-up job or sleep on someones couch. So with all this going for me, how can I still be sad?

To me, my internal finger, my compass of fault points most directly towards the freedom that I don't have. I can't call in sick, or quit my job, or show up late. I don't have the very luxury that I'm willing to die for. Maybe I realize to some degree the sacrifice necessary to protect such freedoms, and am willing to put my own liberties aside for that reason. But after 4 years of doing so, I'm ready for a much needed break. A long break.

There is so much that I'm interested in doing with my life, that I know that first step is going to be not only a difficult one to take for many reasons, but I also know that it will be a very critical one. I have a lot of time left in my life, and I know that making a mistake or a miscalculation will only be a minor set back in the road of life. However, with so much that I would like to achieve and do, I know that my time is precious and not worth wasting.

I was inspired to start writing again a few years ago, while I was in Iraq. Amazing that that was already two years ago. My girlfriend Gina at the time, told me to write a blog after one of my friends and colleague was killed. It helped not only with dealing with some of what was going on over there, but helped to make me realize that writing is a passion and something that I'm somewhat decent at. The passion, the true passion isn't putting the words on the paper, or hearing the brain relaxing click and clack of the keys under fingertips, but what I'm truly passionate about: the truth. One thing that I am, and that I hope to always be, and strive to be is real. I try my best at whatever I do, and work hard to constantly improve myself with the idea that I can be the example, the exception, the one who overcomes and flourishes. I dare to be real. I dare to be something.

I'm not at all saying that I am perfect. Far from it. I have the laundry list of mistakes and poor choices, hurt and unrepaired relationships. Selfish decision making that has negatively effected others. But the point of the matter is, that I care. I care about others. I care about myself. I care about the world we live in. Days like today, they challenge me, they wear me down, make me think harder than I normally would like. But at the end of them, there's always a sunrise on the horizon. Some horizons are closer than others. I know I'm starting to rant, but on the drive home, in the shower, cooking dinner, all of this flowed better in my head, sounded better than it does now. It was more put together. That's what my future is all about, writing. Getting it right, not only for myself but to deliver the truth to you. To the uninformed. I have a couple of huge projects, sitting waiting for their horizon, for their sunrise. Keep a steady eye on the horizon. Oh, and make sure you got your sunglasses, because my sunrise is going to be bright.


The greatest love of all is to love ourselves