I come from one of the most diverse areas in the world. Only second to one other city, New York. Los Angeles is a melting pot where you can find a town of almost any country within the limits of L.A. We are so ridiculous there that when Chan Ho Park (Korean) was signed by the Dodgers, the shut down an entire Farmer John's Dodger Dog stand to serve rice and lo mein. I'm not hating on that, but it's a Baseball game, what's wrong with someone from Korea enjoying a Dodger Dog? They're fucking awesome! This might sound racist to most, but if you actually aren't an ignorant fuck you would know that Koreans actually do eat dog all the time, and probably are upset at the fact that a Farmer John's Dodger Dog is not actually made out of Dog.
I get more and more tired of this world we are living in. I know it's the Holiday Season, but if no one else is going to start changing to become American, then why must I conform to do what is right? We have so many lazy cocksuckers in this world that it makes me sick that there are men and women dying in another country to protect those smelly-unappreciative-notdoingshitinlife-butoccupying- street happy vaginals. What happened to America being a bunch of winners? A bunch of hard workers? I have to feel for grandparents. What they must think about the generation of ass-clowns that are doing absolutely nothing but being retarded about something that they don't understand nor do they understand what they're doing. Not that they don't have a vision or scope to understand, but they simply do not know what they are there for.
Back to my grandparents; they lived through so much shit, really the birth of the nation as we now know it. They fought tyranny and oppression on a mass scale, but only after living through a depression and dust bowl that forced them to eat nothing but rice and drink water that stained their teeth. What the fuck are we doing America? These grand folks of ours worked so hard that we never had to worry about shit, but that kingdom they built for us is crumbling ever so quickly. Rocks are falling, the ceiling is caving.
What could unite us? Better yet, remind us of what we have here in this nation? Do people of our time even realize what our nation would be if all of this was taken away? It's obvious that the hurt of 9/11 wasn't enough to last more than pulling a band aid off swiftly. We are a nation full of excuses and a finger to point at everyone else. We have zero personal responsibility, and for sure no one wants be responsible for their actions. They look at the government to fix everything and do nothing for themselves. Everyone wants their handout.
The United States as we know it is on the verge of it's end. A lot is going to change in my lifetime, and there's no way that the masses will come together for the greater good. That's not verbiage in their dictionary. They're standing on the corner ignorance and selfishness, waiting for their bus of salvation, but no one really wants to drive.
Last but not least... how many more movies can Marky Mark be in about revenge and payback? He's so much better in roles where he's somewhat of a comic relief. ( I Heart Huckabees, and Departed, or his best role Boogie Nights)
...I could shoot you from over a mile away, you wouldn't even know that I was there. But I'm going to kill you from inside a foot; it's a lot more personal that way...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Love Me Do
The first time you look at the clock in a day, usually you have one of two things happen. Either the day has gone incredibly slow or way too fast. Usually when you have nothing to do it's the latter. For me this past few weeks have gone precisely the way that time intended them to go. A second has not gone to waste, nor wished to be to waste. I've been busy no doubt, but not with a work load that I would consider overwhelming, or underwhelming. Perhaps I could consider it just, whelming.
A few weekends ago, Columbus day actually, one of my best and greatest friends came up to visit me from his humble abode in Jacksonville, Florida. We embarked on an adventure with a few other friends, which eventually turned into more, to a cabin, of another good friend of mines, in Amherst county Virginia. My best bud Jason, freshly out of the Army as of early this summer, looked like a man finally free. Beard and long hair, you could hardly recognize him physically as the man he was. Mental changes were far more noticeable, as for the first time in nearly the four years that I have known Jason, he seemed truly happy. He became even more ecstatic when he shot a ten-point buck while we were deer hunting, part of the reason that we went up to the cabin to begin with.
Jason and I, though our conversation are too short from the large length in times that we talk to each other, seemed to have absolutely zero lull, zero drop in our friendship. A strength of friendship I can only describe as one you have with a brother. Love is a powerful word for two straight men to use with one another, but after all we have been through, all we understand about each other and the sacrifices we have made for this country, even that word doesn't quite seem fitting enough for the devoted friendship that him an I will always have. Lifelong friendship isn't a myth like I once thought it was. It simply takes a different depth of shared experiences and understanding to reach a level of personal connection to actually have a lifelong friend.
I had dreams of being only 100 plus days away from being out of the Army, but for some reason I had a hung jury, a retrial and a new decision, a new verdict on the direction of my life. I place which has treated me so horrifically, I decide to commit more of my life, more of myself to. It's not for me, but it is at the same time, and the logic could only be described in enough words to make you just as confused as I am. I have to affect positive change on this place before I leave. And though that might happen with the one or two within the reach of my power now, it must happen at a higher levels, effect more people, a greater number. It's the road I would have never took as a younger myself, but a more mature one has a better idea of why I am here, that I'm an exception and not the rule, and my sacrifice might do great things not for myself, but for others.
I sit here and think of things left unsaid. Blogs yet to be written. Books, just a megabyte on a computer screen, yet to be read. There's so much to do in life, and so little time to do it. I haven't squandered as much as some, and have squandered just enough to realize my mistakes, my faults, and the will of what must be done. Life is perspective, life is choice, life is however we coat it to fit what we truly desire. We are a land of people full of creating their own excuses, their own perspectives, their own way of creating reason for what they're doing. Though mine seems less selfish, the understanding of the trend, of not only our society today, but out society of yesteryear seems to be perhaps the reason we live. But it takes true understanding, true knowledge of this truth to enjoy life as we know it. A depth that most people lack; not because they aren't capable, but because they're scared.
I've taken a deep breath, I'm not scared, just anxious. I hope this never ends. Living.
'you know i'll love you, i'll always be true...'
A few weekends ago, Columbus day actually, one of my best and greatest friends came up to visit me from his humble abode in Jacksonville, Florida. We embarked on an adventure with a few other friends, which eventually turned into more, to a cabin, of another good friend of mines, in Amherst county Virginia. My best bud Jason, freshly out of the Army as of early this summer, looked like a man finally free. Beard and long hair, you could hardly recognize him physically as the man he was. Mental changes were far more noticeable, as for the first time in nearly the four years that I have known Jason, he seemed truly happy. He became even more ecstatic when he shot a ten-point buck while we were deer hunting, part of the reason that we went up to the cabin to begin with.
Jason and I, though our conversation are too short from the large length in times that we talk to each other, seemed to have absolutely zero lull, zero drop in our friendship. A strength of friendship I can only describe as one you have with a brother. Love is a powerful word for two straight men to use with one another, but after all we have been through, all we understand about each other and the sacrifices we have made for this country, even that word doesn't quite seem fitting enough for the devoted friendship that him an I will always have. Lifelong friendship isn't a myth like I once thought it was. It simply takes a different depth of shared experiences and understanding to reach a level of personal connection to actually have a lifelong friend.
I had dreams of being only 100 plus days away from being out of the Army, but for some reason I had a hung jury, a retrial and a new decision, a new verdict on the direction of my life. I place which has treated me so horrifically, I decide to commit more of my life, more of myself to. It's not for me, but it is at the same time, and the logic could only be described in enough words to make you just as confused as I am. I have to affect positive change on this place before I leave. And though that might happen with the one or two within the reach of my power now, it must happen at a higher levels, effect more people, a greater number. It's the road I would have never took as a younger myself, but a more mature one has a better idea of why I am here, that I'm an exception and not the rule, and my sacrifice might do great things not for myself, but for others.
I sit here and think of things left unsaid. Blogs yet to be written. Books, just a megabyte on a computer screen, yet to be read. There's so much to do in life, and so little time to do it. I haven't squandered as much as some, and have squandered just enough to realize my mistakes, my faults, and the will of what must be done. Life is perspective, life is choice, life is however we coat it to fit what we truly desire. We are a land of people full of creating their own excuses, their own perspectives, their own way of creating reason for what they're doing. Though mine seems less selfish, the understanding of the trend, of not only our society today, but out society of yesteryear seems to be perhaps the reason we live. But it takes true understanding, true knowledge of this truth to enjoy life as we know it. A depth that most people lack; not because they aren't capable, but because they're scared.
I've taken a deep breath, I'm not scared, just anxious. I hope this never ends. Living.
'you know i'll love you, i'll always be true...'
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Your Disease, I Have Your Cure
I sit here at work and watch the time slowly and methodically tick further and further into the evening. The life of a paratrooper has never been an easy one I try to seldom complain about it. But it is one that less than a percent of less than a percent of people in the United States do. Tonight has gone later for me than this early afternoon release from duty was supposed to, and for the hundreth time-it's not my first rodeo. Unfortunately this one lasts a lot longer than 8 seconds.
I sit here mostly by choice, because an ass chewing now is better than an ass chewing later. We have a four day weekend ahead of us, and to the civilian world that would be rare. For us it's about a once a month occurance and one of the few perks that military life has. My since of dumbfounded responsibility is something that you rarely find nowadays in the youth. I have found it and tonight am exercising it almost all too well. Accountability is a pain in a place with so many things constantly going on and today will be another hard lessoned learned in my development. I didn't lose the item if that's what you're thinking, but because of my position (rather than my rank) I am intermediately responsible for the lost item. Accountability is one of the hardest things in the military. Not because it's hard to count or keep track, but simply because you can delegate authority-but not responsibility.
I'm just the middle rung in the ladder and am somewhat thankful to neither be on the top or bottom of it as they seem to get the most attention. However, today I'm the bearer of bad news. And so I wait. And wait. And wait. The story of my life on a lot of days from 3pm till 7pm. It's not the most efficient thing in the world, but eventually you just get used to it. Wet monkey theory at it's best.
and sidebar...
The Army full of bad leaders who are allowed to be in positions that they would be fired in in nano seconds, yet these are the same individuals who decide whether or not I live in the heat of battle, when they can't even realize in the 'heat' of garrison life what there role is. The biggest and most feared thing in the Army is blind ambition and lack of self-awareness. A leader has to be able to take a step back and look at how is actions affect others and how they are taken by others. You cannot be a perfect leader, it takes an umbrella of leadership to keep the proverbial shit from raining down. It's this understanding that makes you a good leader, and the understanding of how to take what you have and build a shelter with that leadership that makes you a great one. The system is flawed. It doesn't matter what pre-requisites you have coming into a role like the one we have, you have to throw them all aside and work on your experiences, merit and open-mindedness. In-fact it might be more dangerous to have distinguishment as that only shows selfishness which is not an aspect that you can possess as a leader. We tend to forget that with that power comes the responsibility, not to do great, but for your men to do great.
tangent not complete, but I'll save some for later.
My book, that I will have to start re-writing (since my computer was stolen), will ruin the political careers of individuals within the Army who are here for exactly that. I don't care to wear badges or ribbons, or awards. I have enough pride knowing that I myself accomplished the feats worthy of being bestowed those honors. But some people want to flaunt, to show, to speak out and peacock what they have done, what they will do. I'm a firm believer in something I learned long ago from a great mentor, GD- "Don't Tell Me, Show Me." A motto I live to this day.
I sit here mostly by choice, because an ass chewing now is better than an ass chewing later. We have a four day weekend ahead of us, and to the civilian world that would be rare. For us it's about a once a month occurance and one of the few perks that military life has. My since of dumbfounded responsibility is something that you rarely find nowadays in the youth. I have found it and tonight am exercising it almost all too well. Accountability is a pain in a place with so many things constantly going on and today will be another hard lessoned learned in my development. I didn't lose the item if that's what you're thinking, but because of my position (rather than my rank) I am intermediately responsible for the lost item. Accountability is one of the hardest things in the military. Not because it's hard to count or keep track, but simply because you can delegate authority-but not responsibility.
I'm just the middle rung in the ladder and am somewhat thankful to neither be on the top or bottom of it as they seem to get the most attention. However, today I'm the bearer of bad news. And so I wait. And wait. And wait. The story of my life on a lot of days from 3pm till 7pm. It's not the most efficient thing in the world, but eventually you just get used to it. Wet monkey theory at it's best.
and sidebar...
The Army full of bad leaders who are allowed to be in positions that they would be fired in in nano seconds, yet these are the same individuals who decide whether or not I live in the heat of battle, when they can't even realize in the 'heat' of garrison life what there role is. The biggest and most feared thing in the Army is blind ambition and lack of self-awareness. A leader has to be able to take a step back and look at how is actions affect others and how they are taken by others. You cannot be a perfect leader, it takes an umbrella of leadership to keep the proverbial shit from raining down. It's this understanding that makes you a good leader, and the understanding of how to take what you have and build a shelter with that leadership that makes you a great one. The system is flawed. It doesn't matter what pre-requisites you have coming into a role like the one we have, you have to throw them all aside and work on your experiences, merit and open-mindedness. In-fact it might be more dangerous to have distinguishment as that only shows selfishness which is not an aspect that you can possess as a leader. We tend to forget that with that power comes the responsibility, not to do great, but for your men to do great.
tangent not complete, but I'll save some for later.
My book, that I will have to start re-writing (since my computer was stolen), will ruin the political careers of individuals within the Army who are here for exactly that. I don't care to wear badges or ribbons, or awards. I have enough pride knowing that I myself accomplished the feats worthy of being bestowed those honors. But some people want to flaunt, to show, to speak out and peacock what they have done, what they will do. I'm a firm believer in something I learned long ago from a great mentor, GD- "Don't Tell Me, Show Me." A motto I live to this day.
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